Rules of Engagement (Marriage Quick Guide for Grooms and Parents)


Note :  The data given here on the based on our analysis.  We get inputs from various sources including Brahmin organizations, matrimonial and other sources. Readers can use their intelligent to analysis on their own.  But for parents who are really concerned about their son’s marriage, please consider this seriously.   The data points are given to explain the intensity of the problem and take remedy action. 

பெண் தேடும் மாப்பிளைக்கு ஒரு கையேடு. மிக கடுமையான வார்த்தை பிரயோகம் இருந்தால், நினைவில் கொள்ளுங்கள் – நம் நலனில் நிஜ அக்கறை உள்ளோர் சிரிக்க சிரிக்க பேசுவதில்லை என்று)

அடுத்து மண பெண்களுக்கான கையேடு விரைவில் வருகிறது – (தன் திருமண செலவை ஏற்காத ஆண் முதுகெலும்பில்லாதன் – அவன் தனிமையில் இருக்கவே தகுதியானவன் – அவனை தவிர்த்துவிடு )

We do not respond to any arguments which questions the data point here.   The intent of this message is to give heads up to parents and grooms, we do not want to waste the time in  arguments and providing more data points to prove this article.

You can ignore or take action; It is your choice.

Rule 1:  தன் முன் உள்ள சவால் எது என்று முழுவதும் புரிந்தால் மட்டுமே அதை வெற்றி கொள்ள முடியும்.

Current Ratio of Men and woman (in the marriage age) : 100:50  (it may be worst).

Unknown data point:  How many unmarried girls who is going to select their grooms outside the community is a unknown data point.

Why:  Every one know the reason of why there is huge difference of the ration between 25:35 age group.   Let’s not discuss further and move on.

Rule 2 : கால மாற்றத்தை உணராதவன் தானும் அழித்து தன் குலத்தையும் அழிக்கிறான்

Possibilities of getting married:

Category A:   Top Professionals – Higher Middle Income Group

Age : 26-29

Qualification :  USA/UK or Foreign Degree / BE  from Top rank university / C.A  or Any other Top MBA (nor a normal university).

Salary Range : 1,50,000 – 200000 per month

Chances : 95% (If age is > 30; Chances reduced by 50%)

Time taken : 1 year of search

Category B :  Medium Professionals

Age Group : 26-29

Salary range : 75000 – 150000 per month

Qualification :  BE Software / CA  or Any other engineering or Any professionally qualified

Chances : 80%  (if age is > 30%, chances reduced to 40%)

Time taken : 1-2 years search

Category C :  Working people (Professionally qualified but working in Marketing, accounts etc)

Age Group : 26-29

Qualification :  BE / MBA (normal university), etc

Salary range : 75000 – 100000 per month

Chances : 70%  (if age is > 30%, chances reduced to 30%)

Time taken : 2-3 years of search

Category  D :  Working people

Salary range : 25000 – 40000

Chances : 30%  (if age is > 30%, chances reduced to 10%)

Time taken : 3-5 years of search

Category  E : Working / Self Employed

Salary Range : 20000 – 30000

Chances : < 20%

Category F :  People who are in “Vaithega” work (archagar etc)

Chances:  We get a bad news from our friends and groups.   So we avoid the further talking about it.


Rule 3 : கால ஓட்டத்தை அறியாத / மாறாத அசடுகள் தானும் அழிந்து தன் குடும்பத்தையும் / குலத்தையும் அழிக்கும்.

What you can do?

  1. Your marriage age is 25 (not 30); Do not wait for next promotion.
  2. Make the arranged marriage more attractive for a girl.
  3. Marriage is a event for Man and Woman.  Sharing marriage expenses by 50% is important.  (Remember, we are creating awareness campaign for all brahmin girls that only marry a guy who is willing to share 50% of marriage expenses).
  4. Many parents has only single girl.  The duty of the son to take care of the parents and the same way it is a duty of a girl to take care of her parents. Please assure the brides family that you will take care of them.  If the bride is a working woman, the parents have right on her salary.  It is both (husband and wife) responsibility to take care of both the parents.
  5. Please Avoid Horoscope matching process.  It is a major hurdle for our marriage.  (ஜோதிடம் தனை இகழ் – பாரதி).  Please talk to any 40+ single bramin guy and listen to his fate.  They will tell you the Horror stories of Horoscope matching process.  Non of the Horoscope predictor told them that they are going to die lonely, without marriage,  in the old aged homes)
  6. Brahmin is enough.  Do not look the brides in the inter groups of our community.
  7. Please understand it is very difficult for your parents to handle the difficult  situation.  You need to take proactive approach  and work with your parents and relatives and friends.
  8. As a community, we are in a very difficult stage in the history. Our numbers are reducing and we are dying  community.   Please understand that.
  9. Do not complain about brides family.  It will create just a negativity only.
  10. If you are a single son to your parent; 20 years ago, girls are considered as liability.  Your parents avoided the girl child and killed our community.  If you and your parents blame the brides demand, you need be blamed for it.
  11. Half Bramins or One Parent brahmins:  There are tens’s  1000’s of people from our community married out of our community 20-30 years ago.  They have their children  who are in marriage age now and they want to get back to our community fold.  There are 1000’s of girls, whose one parent is Brahmin, wants to marry Brahmin boys.   We have circulated a public post to debate on this issue.   The community elders have split on this issue. There are 50% people who welcomed and many of them are against this kind of moves and advises. But we strongly recommend to accept half bramins / one parent bramin’s child to our community fold if they really respect our culture.   It is up to your family to take a final call.
  12. Always visit all family functions to make good connect.  Treat your relatives as friends.  You may have set of friends at the age of 15, But when u turned 25 (after 10 years) you may not find a friend who is your frineds list at the age of 15.  But if you make your cousin as friend, he will be your friend for ever.  If you avoid ur family functions, no one knows you.
  13. If you happens to see any girls in your relative circle, approach her with confident. Do not be foolishly shy.
  14. If you are a one son, and your mom is deciding on your matter, she is not doing good thing for you.  (அம்மாவின் முந்தானைக்குள் அடங்கி இருக்கும் ஒரு ஆடு போன்ற ஒருவனை எவளும் இந்த காலத்தில் விரும்புவதில்லை )

Rule 4:  செயலே வாழ்க்கை.  செயல் படாத தன்மையே மரணம்

What you can do now:

Open for other states Brahmin girls :

We are socializing this idea and trying to establish the contacts. We get many mails that grooms are open for this alliance.   But, many think that “some one” is going to organize “Suyamvaram” so that grooms gets 100’s of choices and they choose best one and happily get married.   Let’s understand the reality.  Initial marriages may take long time and continuous effort.

This may be difficult task to find a suitable bride for you, but not impossible.  Please remember, we need to work 16 years to get a degree and job is not assured.  But we work hard to get a good job and good life for 16 years.  Your marriage is a challenge now.   You need to take smart effort to make your life smooth.  Please visit Old age homes (many many people are Single there) and decide how you want to lead your life.

Many at the age group of 45+ sending us a mail that they do not even think about going out of state when they were in 30’s.   Now the time is too late.  Please start your homework now.

Based on our conversation with Karnataka Bramin associations, we understand they work in the following way.

  1. Grooms should take initiative.
  2. Try your friends / relative contacts in North India and establish the local contacts
  3. Register yourself in north Indian matrimony sites and send proposal (make sure it is good proposal)
  4. Give advertisement in North Indian local paper and clearly mention the  Groom will take care of the marriage expense.  You need to spend generously on this task.   Just one try is not sufficient.
  5. If possible, anyone from groom family visit North India.
  6. There are marriage brokers in north India; You can approach them for help (Be careful about the money; many cheats;  But to avoid accident, stop traveling is NOT  a solution;  You need to take precautions).
  7. Our “Achariyas” are our guides;  Please talk to your “Achariyas” who will have North India Contacts;  Most of our Mutt’s have North India presence.  Most of them have UP contacts. They will can help us. (It is crisis situation of the community.  We may get vanished in 20-30 years if we do not act on this crisis.  So, they will definitely help).  Just remember 12th  “Sangaracharia” of Srinigeri Peetham inspired Harihara and Bukarya to establish Vijayanagar Empire.  This dynasty was established to save Hindus from Islamic invation.   (Ref : History ).  It is history.  Our “Guru” is to help us in the times are trouble.   Seek their help.
  8. If possible, join hands with your relatives / friends (2-3 grooms as group) and search for brides in north India
  9. Check the great contributors list from our website.   You are one of the family member (i.e community member) of the great achievers.  Don’t you have capability to find a suitable bride on your own?  Refer this article and talk to your parents immediately.

Friends:  The rules of the engagements are changed.  Most of the parents do not understand this chance.  Many do not understand the reality and most of the do not have any contact / view about what is happening in the society.

Rule 5: கடந்த காலத்தில் வாழ்வது முட்டாள்தனம்.  அப்படி பட்டவர்கள் தன் எதிர்காலத்தையும் / சந்ததிகளின் எதிர்காலத்தையும் அழிக்கிறார்கள்

Example of a Brahmin  Parent requirement: 

We have only one son. My son is a sales Manager, Graduate, aged 31 and getting 27000.  Looking for a poor brahmin girl.  Education is not a mandatory and looking for age group of 24-27.

It is very nice expectation in 90’s, but let analysis the current situation.

  1. Have you seen 12th only studied Bramin girl who is making “Vetal and Vadams” at home.  Zero %
  2. Have you seen Brahmin girls who is unmarried and at the age of 24-27 without job.  Zero%
  3. Have you seen graduate girl who is working at the age of 24-27 getting very less salary (Less than 10000).
  4. Have you seen very poor family girl not getting a alliance and waiting for a savvier “sales Manager”.  Zero %
  5. Do you know how many proposal a unmarried girl get in a year?

Four zeros make 10000%.  It means the parents have no clue on the current situation of our society.  This parent keep on asking “Do you know any suitable bride” to all their relatives, friends and all the people whom they see, some time server maid’s too.   They end their  effort with few ads, few visits to temple, few visits to astrologer etc.  It is like giving water to bleeding accident victim, no one knows stopping bleeding only can save him.   One point of time, they think they tried (????) their level best and keep quite.  At the age of 40+ you find the frustrated “Sales Manager” spending lot of time in TASMAC and alone in the life and later live in the Old people home alone.  Most of the parents do not have touch with society or could not understand the changes in the society.  They present a painful life to their son.

The million dollar question is who is at fault.  The Parent or the Sales Manager.

Humble request: please do not argue there is one girl available with the above condition;  Zero % means 1/2500000 population.  Please think about 100000 grooms waiting to get married.  Every rule have exceptions and let’s not talk about it here.

முதுகெலும்பு உள்ளவனாக நிமிர்து நில்.  இது உன் திருமணம்.  நீ முயற்சி செய்யா வீடில் யார் செய்வார்.  இது மிக பெரிய சவால். உன் பெற்றோரால் மட்டும் சமாளிக்க முடியாது.  நண்பனே நல்ல பெண்ணை திருமணம் செய்து நீயும் வாழு நம் குலத்தியும் வாழ வை.

Open your eyes and soon and Have a happy married life.

Wish you all the best.

Must Read : Ebook on Bramin Marrrages 

Note:  We are trying to establish contacts with UP.   People are pressing “like” buttons and bliessing us in message box.  We yet to find people from our community who can come forward to help.  We are knocking the doors of influential people from our community.  But we continue to walk towards our direction.  It may take time to achieve the goal.

This article is written to urge every brahmin family to understand the changed senerio  and prepare to face the challenge.






13 Responses to Rules of Engagement (Marriage Quick Guide for Grooms and Parents)

  1. Geetha narayan says:

    Excellent well said

  2. admin says:

    Sir, we are in initial stage of organizing the connect between North and Tamil nadu brahmins. The article is explaining what are all the steps the parents and groom can take on their own. The groom has to take initiative and move forward. The article clearly explains the changed rules and there is no ready made solution for the problem. Please read the article again.

  3. Dear Sir,

    According to our Analysis and statistics, . 60-70% of the girls are BE/BE+/MBBS or having equivalent qualifications. on the other hand only 30-35% of boys have similar qualification.

    2. Why are the archakas or purohits not getting married ?

    A very simple reason is, Parents who are in such profession does not want their daughters to be married to same profession (though they earn handsome tax free income ).

    3. Marriage is getting delayed – An unanswerable question.

    Parents of both bride and groom does not analyze the negative points in their child. Be it the education, Salary, Looks, Physic, Location etc, They are far behind with the present facts. These negative points are linked to the today’s facts which is a reality behind the delay in marriage.

    Most of the educated or fair-Brides/Grooms and their parents have peculiar requirements / rejection reasons.
    1. Girl should have studied in Good University.
    2. Infosys are for dumb people.
    3. Girl (height : 5.1) requires groom with min 5.10
    4. Groom / Parents should have Own house.
    5. Girl who have studied BA, BCom or other degree looks for the groom in abroad.

    4. Why North-India-Brides and South-India-Grooms Marriage is tougher?

    Other than saying they are also brahmins, many requirements are their to understand.

    1.Parents have never thought to align with a totally unknown family.
    2.Language barrier – it is not only the bride and groom to understand language each other, but in most of the situations, parents and the 1st family circle also feel difficult to interact.
    3.Economically groom should be stronger and throw money in finding the bride and the returns is not guaranteed.
    4. The broker / facilitator will also have a tough time. unless the brides family is satisfied with the grooms family and situations, they will not agree. so the time needed to settle will take longer duration.

    • admin says:

      Dear Readers, Anuraga Matrimony is operating from Karnataka and some parts of tamil nadu. They are in this field for more than a degade and Ravi is a second generation person who is providing this service. Please read his views. The Karnataka bramins too face the same problem. It is right time to act. Regards Admin.

  4. I am a Tanjore(Kumbakonam) Brahmin. Two sons and a daughter. All well placed. Second son’s wife is a malayali Pillai and marriage went on only with our consent. Girl and her family, I should say that we could not have got a Brahmin girl and family like them. daughter is also arranged marriage and well settled and son in law is a VP in Microsoft India. Unfortunately the first Son was postponing the marriage as he was not well settled till 35 and suddenly got a good luck and shot to Regional sales manager level getting about INR 70,000 + in reputed bank sector. when he gave consent he was 38 and now he is 46. Our effort till date have not yielded any result for a family type girl who can come to us like our daughter and keep both the family happy. We are basically from upper strata and have own independent house and flats / each having car etc etc and come from a family where we neither give nor take dowry. My children have complete all India exposure by nature of my job with defence dept. I am a defence retired official and is having my own HR consultacy and member in few NGOs.
    Hence we have been looking for a vegetarian girl from bramin/semi brahminical class and particularly from a poor family . But People appear different. For example two parents one from Hyd, another From \Mumbai
    whose daghters earning 4800/- and 8000/- want the groom should shift to their place after marriage. Even I have hinted them they can if required can stay with their daughter or even if she is not employed here will support them. But they were adamant and just did not even bother to take the calls. Taking initiative from the grooms side almost makes the girls side more demanding and adamant. leave this.
    Now he has shown his passion for his parent by simply resigning his job as he was forced to go to Gowhatti about three months earlier. Our effort to console him has failed miserably. He insisted that we should also be with him as he do not want us stay alone. Of course he is trying to engage himself in Chennai and we also are proud to have a son like this. Since God has bestowed everything even to support few poor here we thank Him for that. The only drawback is my son’s unmarried life. We pray every day for a suitable girl from any corner of the universe. we will be grateful for any help from your side please. he has a normal personality and look young to his age. We are for a simple marriage even in any temple as we will have our grand reception at Chennai. Parents along with their daughter are welcome to visit our home before any commitment. contact : 9444640723 / 044-26383005.

  5. really true… worth reading… lets consider…

  6. குருமூர்த்தி says:

    உங்கள் முயற்சி வெற்றி பெற வாழ்த்துக்கள்
    காஞ்சி பெரியவா சரணம்

  7. Sankarasubramanian M says:

    Very much helpful to our society.

  8. சங்கரன் says:

    தங்களது முயற்சி பாராட்டுக்குரியது. இதை பின்பற்றினால் நமது சமுதாயம் முன்னேற முடியும். கடவுளின் அனுக்ரஹம் வேண்டி பிரார்த்தனை செய்வோம்

  9. P.S.Gopalan says:

    whwen boy’s parents say that they are not particular about horoscope-matching,the girl’s parents usually suspectthatwe have some doshams or defects and hence our reluctance to exchange horoscopes.So when our two boys were on the look=out for brides,we offered our boys horoscopes saying that we are not particular about matching and if the girls; parties are satisfied,we will accept their views.This strategy worked for us.

  10. S.mythili. says:

    Thapa Nama melathan.25vayasu paiyanuku20vayasu pony kalyanam pananum.jathi matham anthasthu,ethayum paakamal ponupuduchu irunthal,pethavanga samatham irunthal,pramana kula vazakapadi kalyanam panikalam.kuzanthaigal,kudumbam nadatha,poruluthavi seiyalam.marumagalukum mamanarmela pasam,mariyadai Varun.kalyanam,mudinthavarai sikkanamai seiyalam.ponnai pethavanga Kitta re.1kooda vangama avangalayum mariyadaya nadathanum.palaper Marita,Marathas seekiram maaranum.

  11. B says:

    Thank you, Eye Opening Article. I am from Gujarat. Contact me any help in gujarat.

    Connected society is the main key.

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